Cleaning my Closet

Horizon (n) - The apparent intersection of the earth and sky as seen by an observer.

“So does the horizon belong to the earth or to the sky”, I asked.

“To neither. And to both”, she replied.

It amazed me as to how something could be a part of two such distinct elements. The sky which stands for ambition, serenity and grace. The rugged ground with all its imperfections. But that is what makes the horizon truly unique. It can effortlessly merge with the ground only to be part of the sky again. I can gaze at it for hours without end and wonder. And still not have an answer as to where it really belongs. Perhaps there isn’t an answer. And that’s why I find the horizon so special and enigmatic....

I've Lost You...

I've lost you
To the Earth's rotation
To technology's limitation

You say only ten hours separate us, but to me that seems a lifetime
I pray everyday that you get deported, I hope you forgive me the crime

I've lost you
To the greenback's sway
To the bright lights of broadway

Manhattan's sky line and the bustle of Queens have charmed you away from me
And Apple pies and hot dogs win over samosas laden with ghee

I've lost you
To the Earth's rotation
To technology's limitations
I've lost you
To my own ambitions

Mystified Sanity

~ I just read a tweet which said that there is a marriage breaking amount of sport on television this month. True! The French Open has just ended and Wimbledon is here. Not to mention Euro, Formula 1 and the English cricket series. The French Open has always been my favourite grand slam. For one, it had much longer rallies, which make for better viewing. And secondly, it gave me sadistic pleasure to see top ranked players like Sampras, Agassi, Rafter and the likes, struggle against little known names.

~ Talking about tennis, I really don't get how the seeding in women's tennis works or why they even bother having it. Women's seeding is pretty much like the ranks we had in school - never a true reflection of the persons' potential.

~ The other day I was travelling to work and I realised that there isn't one particular thing / hobby that I am extremely passionate about. And that's really sad. A Hindu friend of mine pointed out, that not being passionate is actually a very desirable quality. It shows lack of maya and enhances my chances of escaping the cycle of life and death! Well I guess there are two ways of looking at everything! Reminds me of an IIM interview where I was selling myself like a street walker. At one point in the interview, I mentioned how the fact that I got great scores in all sections shows that I don't have one particular weakness. To which the interviewer replied that it also meant I didn't have any particular strength. #facepalm

~ So my commute to office involves taking a rickshaw from Kanjurmarg station to Powai. Now these rick guys act so pricey when it comes to going to Powai, that I have come up with an ingenious plan. I strike a conversation with every rickshaw driver during my twenty minute ride. Ask his name, dhandha kaisa hai bhaiyya and the likes, hoping that the next time they see me they find it harder to say no!

~ Working is strange in a way. It is the first time in life that I've started something without knowing when it will end. And so when I go to work day in, day out, I begin to think about the purpose of life and all that jazz. But then by the end of the month my bank account is credited and the world is all rosy again.


~ And ya, in case you are wondering what my title is all about, I flicked it from a painting. That is the way paintings sell you know. You paint just about anything, but give it an enigmatic title and people lap it up. Throw in some thunderclouds for good measure.

Work, Wilde and Demand Supply mismatches

~ Last fortnight, I went with my friends to the Janjira fort and then on to Diveagar beach. We settled for beaches because the hill stations in and around Mumbai, like Mahabaleshwar and Khandala, are highly over rated. I mean they remind me of the girls in engineering. Mediocre at best, but immensely popular due to the unbalanced demand supply equation.

~ I started working from Monday. The first thing I did when I got access to the intra net was to look up the organisational tree. 9 levels till I become CEO!

~ It happened during my internship and now it happened again. New joinees will always get a cubicle where your screen can be viewed by at least 60% of the people working in the office. The only way to get a better place is to wait a year for the next batch of newbies to join. Pretty much reminds me of the debutant who invariably fields at sily mid off!

~ In case you are wondering what I am working as, then I am a credit analyst. Liar's Poker, Michael Lewis' hilarious rendition of the sub prime crisis mentions credit analysts only twice, if I am not mistaken.

"In the investment banking world, credit analysts are the lowest of the low. But the world views them as the lowest of the high."

"The most foolish thing a credit analyst can do is to be the best credit analyst, because frankly no one really cares!"

Don't know how true that is, but with weekends off and a subsidized canteen, I'm taking the job dude! Besides, it doesn't pay too bad either!


~ I had heard of Oscar Wilde before but became a fan in 2008, when I saw the guys tomb in Paris. I mean screw the Eiffel tower and Mona Lisa, Wilde's tomb is easily the best attraction in Paris. It is covered with lipstick and graffiti and the people just love the guy. So I have started reading a lot of Wilde's quotes off late. Here are a couple of not so famous, but really good ones that I just came across.

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

~ I went to watch a play yesterday. The Great Raja Master Dance Company. Was a really nice play. Part of the Kala Ghoda Festival. I needed to have something cool to say na when colleagues ask tomorrow ki weekend pe kya kiya? Updating my blog which I force my three closest friends to read, doesn't quite make an impression, does it?

Post Script : New Joinee Tip #1 - You are expected to know the name of your company CEO.

A Conversation

He:

Every time we meet, the picture is complete.
Every time you smile, the feeling is divine.

She:

A glance from you makes the sun shine on me,
Your thought makes me laugh even in a melee.

He:

You are all I ever need to fall in love again.
I knew it from the very start, you are the queen of my heart.

She:

But alas the bus has been missed, it was ten years ago that he and I first kissed. You came along a tad too late, by that time I'd already found my soul mate.

He:

And so I realise that I should move on in life and not whine;
and hope that one day I reach a stage when your happiness becomes mine.

(Not written entirely by me)

Snap Judgement

The Golden Dragon,
Mumbai.

I was just about to dig into my lobster, when I spotted them. Sitting in the corner, overlooking the Arabian sea, they had the best table in the restaurant.

I would have put them as one of the many young couples that form a major chunk of the clintele of the place, but her chooda gave it away.

He played the role of the doting husband to a tee. From folding the napkin and setting it on her lap to reading out the menu to her, he did it all.

For someone like me who is not given into maudlin display of emotions, I found it quite nauseating. I set my gaze to the vast body of water beyond them.

Half way into my dessert, I noticed them get up. Her awkward, fumbling walk told me he wasn't just a caring husband. He was her eyes too.

*Chooda is a kind of bangle that is worn by Punjabi women in the recent weeks after her wedding.

Gini and Goldie

There is this website, which tells you where you sit in the list of the richest people in the world. I entered the annual income of the Francis family and was happy to find that we lie in the top 7% in the world. My joy was short lived when Goldie told me that she was in the top 0.7% of the world! Now Goldie is younger than the youngest Francis (that would be me!) and still earns more than all of us put together! It didn't feel very good. I mean someone whom I have beaten in every semester of engineering, doesn't deserve to earn that much more than us!!

That is when I read about the Gini coefficient. Some background on that. A Gini coefficient of 0, means everyone in a country earns the exact same amount. On the other hand, a Gini coefficient of 100 means that all the wealth of the nation is earned by a single individual. (which made me wonder as to what would be the Gini coefficient of a one individual nation!)

Getting back, countries like Sweden and Denmark have Gini coefficients of 30, the lowest in the spectrum. India on the other hand, like most developing countries has a Gini coefficient of 45. But the catch is that, if you look at the world as a whole, it has a Gini coefficient of 70!

Which goes to tell you that how much you earn doesn't depend on the skills and intellect you possess, but rather on the geography where you work!

There you go Goldie :P

Goldie, is a very eligible Kokanastha Brahmin, currently living the American dream. And she has the memory span of a goldfish!

Hither Thither

~ So I have this 14 day Diwali vacation. And a lot of my friends from college keep asking me as to how I am spending my time. For a person who can sleep 15 hours a day, you really don't need to have a plan on how to spend your 14 day vacation!

~ When I came back home after my third semester, I weighed 78 kilos. That is the leanest I have been in a decade. My mom took it as a personal challenge to get me back to my normal self. 10 days and 8 kilos later, I think she has comfortably won.

~ Diwali has just got over and as has been the trend since the last few years, there was less of noise and more of light this year too. I read somewhere that Diwali is called the festival of light, because that is precisely how your wallet feels after you purchase firecrackers!

~ I went to the opthalmologist to get my eyes tested. Keeping in trend with our inflationary environment, my eye number has also jumped up by 50%. It is at a scary negative 4.50 now! Scary because it reminds me of an incident where a friend of mine turned down a guy she really liked just because he had a negative 6. Can you believe that? Her argument was that since she was a negative 7, their kids would be born blind! Dear reader, such a crazy woman exists and she blogs here

~ I have this free messaging scheme, but on festivals I am charged a buck per message. So in order to circumvent this and still wish people, I send them messages a day early, which reads something like

"I though I'd wish the very special people first, so here goes - Happy Diwali :)"

Capstone Business Simulation Tips

Since it has become fashionable for most B schools to have the Capstone simulation, here are some tips and tricks that might help you to crack the game.

1. Introduce all your new products in year 1 itself.

2. Compete in 3-4 segments only. Don't compete in all 5!

3. Exit the performance segment. The margins are low.

4. Have 3 products in the low segment and time their introduction in such a way that you have a new version in the market, every 4 months.

5. Automate as soon as possible. The ideal automation levels are (10-low, 8-traditional, 7-rest)

6. Use conservative forecasts in the marketing tab and optimistic ones in the production tab. This will help you to not be at the mercy of Big Al.

7. $1400 is all you need to maintain your promotion levels at 100%

8. Spend $5000 per employee on recruitment costs and 80 hours of training, right from the first week itself.

9. In TQM, spend $1500 on each activity for the first three weeks.

10. In labor negotiation, be at the upper end on all aspects. This way you will hurt your competitors the most.

Post Script - If you found these helpful (or otherwise), please click on the ads. It will go a long way in helping me recover my tuition fees! ;)

Post Post Script - My site content is found to be inappropriate by the Google Ads guys. Ya whatever!

The Queen Bee v/s Me

I think it was exactly eleven days back. As per routine, I got up at five thirty in the morning. Around twenty minutes after both my roomies had just gone to sleep. I walked out of my room and to my surprise, or horror rather, there was this huge bee hive that sprung out of nowhere. I'm pretty sure it wasn't there the night before.

This is what I saw



A closer look



It disgusted me. I was once stung by a bee when I was four and the sting lasted for around a week. I immediately ran down to the warden and complained about the bee hive. He gave me the most obscure but irrefutable reason. He told me in chaste Hindi that if he calls the pest control guys, all the bees will die. And that since I don't have the right to give life, I shouldn't have the right to take life as well. He also gave me a lecture on karma and how paap lagega if I kill the bees.

Little did he know that he was speaking to a guy who has had 21 non vegetarian meals a week for most of his life. And so I finally decided to take matters in my own hands. These were my weapons



So for the next few days, with the help of my rolled up newspaper and Chinese fly electricutor, I was smashing and frying bees all day. I used to average around 20 bees a day. My life had got a new purpose. I felt good. It was the queen bee against me and this was one battle I was determined to win.

Until one day when I read that the queen bee lays 3,000 eggs a day.

Alaskan Trivia - Things you may not have known about the Land of the Midnight Sun

~ In Barrow, Alaska, the longest day starts May 10th and lasts 3 months. The longest night starts on November 18th and continues for 2 months.

~ Alaska offers 0.93 square mile for each resident. In comparison with 0.003 sqaure mile offered by New York!

~ Alaska has more than 33,000 miles of coastline. It is more than all of the combined coastline of the entire continental United States of America.

~ Totaling over 3 million lakes, Alaska houses over 40% of USA's fresh water.

~ Very surprisingly, Alaska's state sport isn't snow skiing, ice skating or even fishing. It is dog mushing!

~ Juneau is the capital of Alaska. Not Anchorage or Fairbanks!

~ Alaska's flag was designed in 1926 by a 13-year-old Native American boy, Bennie Benson, from the village of Chignik. Bennie received a 1,000-dollar scholarship and a watch for his winning entry in the flag design contest.

~ The name Alaska is derived from the Aleut word "Alyeska", meaning great land.

~ On March 30, 1867, the United States agreed to purchase Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million dollars, about two cents an acre; "Seward's Folly" many called it, after Secretary of State William H. Seward. A check for $7,200,000.00 was issued on August 1, 1868 and made payable to Edouard de Stoeckl, the Russian Minister to the United States.

~ At their closest Alaska and Russia are 2.5 miles apart – the distance between Little Diomede Island, Alaska, and Big Diomede Island, Russia.

And that's me!

My Reading List

Mumbai - Delhi
Delhi - Toronto
Toronto - Vancouver

My companions

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows
Aunts aren't Gentlemen - P G Wodehouse
Liar's Poker - Michael Lewis
Only Time Will Tell - Jeffrey Archer
The Thing Around Your Neck - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Till we meet again. Adios

Goodbyes are Difficult

Lavale, Pune.
March 30, 2012.


Today marks the end of two great years of my student life. I don't think I have the ambition or the talent to pursue a doctorate and so my student life has all but ended. Today. I said my final goodbyes to 12 of my closest friends, who were more like family.

Each one of them said the same thing.

"Bye Shawn. Please keep in touch."

And my response was the same.

"Even if I tried, I'd find it difficult, not to"

Today marks the end of two great years of my student life. Today, I crossed my fingers 11 times.

Finally!

I've been playing Housie for years now. But it was on the 20th of May that for the first time I managed to win something. We played it as part of a team building exercise. The fact that three others also won the 'Jaldi 5' is of little significance. So also the fact that only 11 people played.

The Girl Ahead

The exam was scheduled to begin at nine in the morning. At eight thirty, I was already in my seat. Mentally flipping through every page of the five books that I had been studying from, on and off, for the past three months. I was, as usual, one of the first candidates in the examination hall. That’s the way it’s been all my life. I’d rather be half an hour early, than half a minute late.

My digital watch told me that there were still seven minutes to go when I saw her walk in. There were two vacant seats in the hall. One ahead of me and the other, right in the corner of the room. Under normal circumstances I would hope that she takes the nearest seat. But today did not quite qualify as 'normal'.

As luck would have it, she sat in front of me. I closed my eyes momentarily and tried to focus on the job at hand. With three minutes remaining for the start of the exam, she took out two HB pencils from her pocket and rather nonchalantly, began sharpening them.

No matter how inconsequential the exam or how well prepared I am for it, three minutes before an exam, you wouldn’t find me sharpening my pencils. I wouldn’t be able to do that for dear life. And that’s when I realized, that she may or may not win the war against finance, but she sure did win the battle against her nerves. The girl ahead.

Vacation Blues

After a really long time I am staring at a vacation in which I have nothing to do. No places to visit. No friends to catch up with. No exams to prepare for. No movies to watch. My internship ends on the 10th of June and college doesn't start till the 22nd. 11 long days that I am dreading.

I've managed to lay my hands on a book called 'The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy'. It has all the 5 books of the hitch hikers series rolled into one massive paperback. I am not really a fan of science fiction, but then again I have limited choices. I plan to blog a bit too. I like writing. Though it doesn't come naturally to me. And I always feel that my sentences are too short and abrupt. And that I start too many sentences with and. But writing has a cathartic feeling that I can't explain or reason. And that is why I write.

In case you are wondering about the picture, that is the view from my house. I clicked it because I liked the cloud formation. I can stare at clouds for hours. Watching them form weird shapes.

"More than just yearly rituals in which we connect with friends and family, vacations are also exercises in self-definition. In affording time away from the demands of everyday life, vacations disclose what people choose to do rather than are required to do." - Cindy Aron

Why Kohli is NOT the next Yuvi

The similarities between the two of them are striking. Both made a name for themselves in the U 19 World Cup wins for India. Both made their ODI debut at the age of 19. Very talented batsmen, they both can more than roll their arm over and are live wires in the field. Ray Jennings, the coach of Royal Challengers Bangalore, once said that Virat Kolhi thinks ‘he is God’s gift to cricket’. Yuvraj Singh has an ego the size of a football field. Virat Kolhi is good looking. Yuvraj Singh thinks he is good looking. And I could on. But that is not the point of this post.

Yuvraj Singh is my book, the most talented cricketer in the modern era, by a mile. But 11 years of international cricket and he has little to show, that would back my claim. Yes he did hit six sixes in an over, but then again, that was just an over. For a large part of his career, Yuvraj Singh has been annoyingly inconsistent. And he hasn’t managed to hold on to his place in the Indian side, just as he hasn’t managed to hold on to any girl who ever dated him. The only time he performs well is when he is really fired up (Flintoff would vouch for that) and so right one sure way to get him to perform is to drop him every alternate series.

Virat Kohli on the other hand has gone from strength to strength. Ever since making his ODI debut he hasn’t looked back. Whatever opportunity he has got, he grabbed it with both hands. When MS Dhoni benches (his favourite) Raina and plays Virat instead, you know the kid has got talent (and temperament). Another impressive thing about Virat is that he doesn’t play to the gallery. He plays responsibly and I can’t quite recall the last time he got out playing a rash shot in international cricket.

Today, in the absence of Daniel Vettori he captained his side in the IPL. A side which has a former international captain in Chris Gayle and in Zaheer Khan, one of India’s shrewdest bowlers. A side which Ray Jennings is still the coach of. He showed willingness to take the onus on himself and bowled the penultimate over to a certain Yusuf Pathan. He did go for 13 runs, but that is of little significance. What matters was that he wasn’t afraid to a make a fool of himself. As Shane Warne would tell you, that is the quality of a great leader. And ya, when Saurabh Tiwary was cramping, he put on his pads and rushed on to the field to run for the Dhoni look alike.

This morning in the paper I read a quote from Yuvraj Singh, in which he said he wanted to use the tour of West indies to cement his place in the Test team. After 11 longs years of cricket, he is still not a certainty in the test side. I don’t know where Virat Kohli will end up after 11 years on the International circuit. But one thing is for sure. He would have cemented his place in the test side. Most probably as the captain.

Post Script: Kohli also gave us the quote on the world cup when he said something like 'Sachin has carried the burden for Indian cricket for 21 years and it’s time we carried him on our shoulders'

Tweets of the Week:

Barack Obama - The first black man that has ever had to convince the world he did do the killing.

Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

Microsoft has bid $5 Billion for Skype...Obviously nobody told them they can download it for free from the website.

If you have the time: Do read this. Harsha Bhogle interviewing Shane Warne, one of the greatest cricketers ever.

Why Osama's Death Disappoints

For a person who has grown up on a diet of Agatha Christie, Erle Stanley Gardener and the like, Osama's death in his hideout in Abbottabad has been really disappointing. For the past three days I have been reading several newspapers and columns online. I have read almost every article which has anything to do with Mr. Laden. But, alas, there hasn't been anything interesting on offer.

Considering the fact that he was the most wanted man on Earth, he lived a pretty ordinary life. I mean there was nothing that I read about his life post 2001 that made me go 'wooow'. Yes, he only gave instructions verbally and had a courier to relay his messages. But that is expected. Considering the technology that the US forces have at their disposal, you wouldn't expect Osama to take the chance of calling his aides or tweeting them. Yes, he burnt all his garbage. But the most amateur of criminals do that.

The point I am trying to make, is that his house didn't even have a secret room. Or a secret tunnel for that matter. Leading all the way back to the hills of Afghanistan where he could once again live safely. For a man who has plotted and schemed all his life, with the precision of a surgeon, Osama 's death was a huge anti climax. And a great disappointment. If it did happen in the first place, that is. If there is anything I don't take seriously, apart from my sister's advice, it is an American President speaking just before his re election.

Post Script : Of all the jokes doing the rounds of the Internet after his death, I like this tweet the best.

"Now that Osama is dead, can I carry my 125ml shampoo with me?"

The Royal Kiss and Deja Vu

So 'The wedding' is finally over. And they kissed! And it gave me a sense of deja vu. It so resembled this! The balcony, the needless hype that followed it and the fact that RCB uniform so resembles what the Prince is wearing.

Was surfing channels yesterday and caught about 4 minutes of 'V Beauty and the Geek'. That's all I could take. Left me wondering though. I couldn't figure who the beauties were. Everyone on the show, host included, looked absolutely hideous!

Air India pilots have decided to strike yet again. I don't know what more they want this time round and I don't really care. But I've always found the profession to be highly over rated. When an auto pilot button does 95% of your job, you don't warrant a 39 lakh an annum package!

I'll end with a tweet from Sanjay Manjrekar which perfectly sums my views on all the hype surrounding the wedding.

"u can ignore everything about the royal wedding, if u want to, but as indians lets learn one thing from the event...discipline !"

Lokpal and Lalit's pals

~ I have been getting a lot of mails from people with attachments containing an entire bio data of Anna Hazare. The only Annas these people knew either dated Enrique or served the best Madrasi filter coffee, but thanks, I knew about Mr. Hazare a long before the Lokpal farce; oops fast.

~ I don't think half of my Facebook 'friends' attending the 'online fast' have even gone through the draft of the bill. I mean why would you want Nobel prize winners and Magsaysay award winners to head a committee which has absolute powers and zero accountability. I mean these daft scientists and writers are the barmiest kinds of people you would ever come across. I agree you need clean people, but a little pragmatism would not do any harm.

~ I happened to catch the IPL opening ceremony on television. I agree it wasn't spectacular but to have every newspaper attribute the unattractiveness of the opening ceremony to the lack of Mr. Modi's presence in the IPL is giving the genius of a man a little undue credit. One newspaper even attributed the lack of DLF maximums to the fact that Modi isn't part of IPL anymore.

~ The Kochi team has given us a great lesson in general knowledge. For all of us who thought that Kochi was a part of Kenya, we are reminded by Mr Dhaval Shah that it is Kochi Tuskers Kerala.

~ Talking about the tuskers, they have the awesomest team ever. In Sreesanth and Sir Ravindra Jadeja they have two proven match winners. Mahela and VVS are the quickest run getters in this format of the game. And in Gomez they have unearthed the all rounder India was looking for, for such a ling time.